Helicopter Vs. Laisse Faire Parenting. Aka: The Mommy Wars

Aahhhh, the classic case of which parenting style is BETTER than the other. I'll tell you one thing I have learned  is that there is no greater subject which divides people more than parenting. Abortion, politics, religion? Puh-lease. After becoming a parent those subjects will actually be discussed with glee and lighthearted jest compared to whether or not you had your baby circumcised, whether you breastfed or formula fed, co-slept or cried it out. But I think it's somewhat easier to lump every style of parenting into one of two groups: Helicopter or Laisse Faire.

 Helicopter parents are just like they sound: always hovering, ready to swoop in at the first sign of distress, organic nappies at the ready. This is a parent who pours over parenting magazines, books, websites, and Mom n Me bulletins, searching for something-anything-to help them put their child at an advantage in life. They don't want their kid to be scared or hurt, and will risk life and limb to make sure neither thing happens to their child. Think Nemo's Dad. And you know what? There's nothing wrong with any of those things.

Laisse Faire parents are pretty much like they sound too. "Hands Off" parenting is where they figure if the kid does something which results in injury, they will probably not do it again (but they haven't met my kids, so....) Laisse Faire parents are pretty okay with non-stop TV marathons and cake for breakfast the occasional television and junk food, as long as the kids are occupied and semi-quiet for a little while. They think with minimal guidance, kids figure stuff out much better on their own. Think Peg Bundy. There's nothing wrong with any of those things either.

This is not a post that's gonna choose sides, so of you're looking for that, you probably should stop reading right now. The thing of it is, once you become a parent? You're either one or the other and there's not a thing really to do but embrace it and tweak it so that it works for you and your family. As long as you truly love your kid, and really want what's best for them, they're gonna turn out just fine.

But a fucking crazy funny parenting phenomena occurs when members of either camp observe the others methods. I like to call it: FULL BLOWN SANCTIMOMMYING. And I'm going to tell you, it's real, it's infuriating, it's unnecessary, and it's actually really, really, bad for our kids.

But the thing of it is, parenting is probably the most personally defining, emotionally fraught thing any person ever imagined they'd do. So the idea that someone's methods are better or worse than yours can either humiliate or vindicate you. So you're gonna take a stand, and in doing so, it's damned near impossible to not partake in at least a little "judging" of others.

I remember a friend asking a new, other Mom, "So, are you going to exclusively breast feed?" You could literally see the wheels turning in both of their heads. If the new Mom said no, or she wasn't sure yet, she would be, in the others eyes, admitting she wasn't "Mom enough". But I mean, why would that even be a question a woman would ask another Mom? Unless it's your child, why would you care what the other kid is eating as long as it wasn't sharp tacks and glass? But this happens all the damned time when you're a Mom. I can't begin to tell you how many times I have been on the receiving end of the "stink eye" at a playground because I choose to sit and enjoy my coffee instead of trailing behind my kids. You know what? Last time I checked, playgrounds were designed for children to explore, not their parents. In fact, the one time I DID go over to my son when he seemed to need help, I surprised him so bad that he fell off the damn ladder and had to have 5 stitches! The ramp was in the way and in my rush to try to reach him I slammed my head into an iron bar and almost gave myself a concussion! Lesson? He probably would have been fine if I'd left him alone.

But that brings me to what I think is the point I'm trying to make. Parenting is not a "skill". Parenting is a continuous stream of learning your own ignorance. Seriously. I really have no fucking clue feel like I am learning more than I am teaching. This idea of "different" meaning "worse" has got to stop. We're raising the next group of people who are going to be running the show someday. And I think it's going to take a wide variety of strengths and weaknesses to ensure the kind of creativity needed to do that.

There's a lot of talk on the Interwebz about how great things used to be, when your parents didn't really care to know about your "feelings", when the kids didn't dare approach Dad before he'd sat down with his after-work cocktail and watched the news, before all this "psycho-babble" became popular and people started really examining the effects they had on their children. And while I do see the point, my point is, what better topic deserves our 100% attention than the topic of our children? Sure, the kids are alright. Parenting hasn't changed so much that people literally have stopped trying their best to raise happy, competent adults. But what HAS appeared to change is the way we view other people's choices regarding their kids. I'm not saying that parents only just started gossiping about other parents, but it certainly seems to have been brought to a whole other level.

So I guess what I'm saying is I think it's time we all just sort of chill the fuck out  hold our judgments for the things that are really going to matter in regards to kids. Like whether or not they all have food, or health care. That they actually have a roof to sleep under. They aren't being abused. Aside from that? Really none of our business.