So anyway, here I sit, my boys running around me, taking advantage of "Family Night Friday Night", knowing they've got at least a few more minutes of "Transformers Prime" before I call it a night. I woke up this morning and washed my face, brushed my teeth. Yesterday I actually bought Sensodyne toothpaste...you know, the kind for sensitive teeth? You know, for OLD PEOPLE? And as I dried my face and reached for my daily lotion (um...still using whatever samples I get for free) I really looked hard into the mirror. I don't really do that too often, I've always found my face amiable enough and just sort of left it at that. Much like my diet and exercise routine, my skincare is minimalist. I wash and occasionally moisturize. I drink lots of water. And as I looked at myself in the mirror, I wasn't shocked or horrified, but I did suddenly see a late 30 year-old where I swear, a 25 year old had just been.
This "aging" thing, man. It sneaks up on you. One minute you can party like it's 1999, and the next you're catching the Early-Bird Specials AT the 99.
It's hilarious! It's scary! But want to know my honest opinion? It's awesome. It's like coming home. It's like your outward appearance has finally caught up with your inward self. This body of mine, (well, okay, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but whatever) has finally become the outward reflection of what I feel like on the inside. Strong. Warm. Soft. Big enough to encompass all the layers of love, passion, determination, fierceness that I want to show my boys. Hard enough to weather the blows of a World that is sometimes merely unkind, and sometimes downright sick and cruel. No wilting flower here. More like a solid Oak.
There were times, too many to count, where I used to say I'd never live to see 30. What kind of a stupid thing is that to think? Well, I was living life full tilt, and didn't have any responsibilities other than myself (or so I thought). Looking back though, I wish I had been a little more aware of things other than myself. Don't get me wrong, being self-aware is a great thing, but I wish I had spent a little more time realizing what difference I could make in the World.
So it's feeling more and more like it's up to me to change that not just for my kids (duh) but kids everywhere. I think the biggest thing I've suddenly realized as I'm approaching adulthood (shut up, that's still how I feel!) is that it's not so much "You Only Live Once"; No, you live every.damned.day. It's "You Only Die Once" so better get to it and make it count, every day you get a chance on this planet to be something, anything, to someone or some THING, who needs it.
I've got bigger things to climb.