Getting Older....It Sure Beats The Alternative

So as I sit here on the eve of my 38th Birthday, it strikes me that I have spent far too many days lately feeling unhappy with my current appearance, when, to be honest, this is the happiest I've ever been. The saying "Youth is wasted on the young" couldn't be more true...we are all too insecure or reckless during our youth to really appreciate it for what it is. And what it is is this: A fleeting period of time where your brain is still growing, you haven't yet figured out who you really are, what you want to do, or be, where you want to go. Yet your body requires minimal to no "upkeep" to run at peak performance, it just is what it is. So, you do it all. You are many people day to day, you go many places, and are many things. You don't think about it.

And when your body crosses the line from, oh, say, your late 20's to 30's, you slowly begin liking the you on the INSIDE more than you ever have before. You are kinder to yourself and others. You've got the backing of experience to remind you what that 4th glass of wine feels like in the am, how rotten an unkind word to a stranger makes you feel for days, how a reckless purchase means missing something else, really more important. All this is part of the dreaded "growing up".

So anyway, here I sit, my boys running around me, taking advantage of "Family Night Friday Night", knowing they've got at least a few more minutes of "Transformers Prime" before I call it a night. I woke up this morning and washed my face, brushed my teeth. Yesterday I actually bought Sensodyne toothpaste...you know, the kind for sensitive teeth? You know, for OLD PEOPLE? And as I dried my face and reached for my daily lotion (um...still using whatever samples I get for free) I really looked hard into the mirror. I don't really do that too often, I've always found my face amiable enough and just sort of left it at that. Much like my diet and exercise routine, my skincare is minimalist. I wash and occasionally moisturize. I drink lots of water. And as I looked at myself in the mirror, I wasn't shocked or horrified, but I did suddenly see a late 30 year-old where I swear, a 25 year old had just been.

This "aging" thing, man. It sneaks up on you. One minute you can party like it's 1999, and the next you're catching the Early-Bird Specials AT the 99.

It's hilarious! It's scary! But want to know my honest opinion? It's awesome. It's like coming home. It's like your outward appearance has finally caught up with your inward self. This body of mine, (well, okay, I could stand to lose a few pounds, but whatever) has finally become the outward reflection of what I feel like on the inside. Strong. Warm. Soft. Big enough to encompass all the layers of love, passion, determination, fierceness that I want to show my boys. Hard enough to weather the blows of a World that is sometimes merely unkind, and sometimes downright sick and cruel. No wilting flower here. More like a solid Oak.

There were times, too many to count, where I used to say I'd never live to see 30. What kind of a stupid thing is that to think? Well, I was living life full tilt, and didn't have any responsibilities other than myself (or so I thought). Looking back though, I wish I had been a little more aware of things other than myself. Don't get me wrong, being self-aware is a great thing, but I wish I had spent a little more time realizing what difference I could make in the World.

Now I see it, though. Now I know my strength, and now I feel a sense of desperation because I have little humans of my own who I am one part sheltering, one part training, in this World. But the truth is, all of the Worlds' kids are mine, and yours. We are spinning madly on, as things deteriorate quickly. For whatever socio-cultural-economic reasons, many kids today are left without viable role models.

So it's feeling more and more like it's up to me to change that not just for my kids (duh) but kids everywhere. I think the biggest thing I've suddenly realized as I'm approaching adulthood (shut up, that's still how I feel!) is that it's not so much "You Only Live Once"; No, you live every.damned.day. It's "You Only Die Once" so better get to it and make it count, every day you get a chance on this planet to be something, anything, to someone or some THING, who needs it.

So I say now, screw the wrinkles, screw the extra pounds. Screw the stretch marks, the jiggles, the age spots. They were hard won. It's on the inside, this brain, my mind, which feels like it's finally aged. Gained wisdom and experience to take my sons shoulders, turn them one way or another, and hope for the best. The years I had while young and trim and able to climb a cliff in a mini-skirt and heels are gone. And I'm cool with that.


 I've got bigger things to climb.