Relaxed Expectations

So, this Winter has been the longest one I can remember in my whole life. I've never really been a fan of the season, and was diagnosed with Seasonal Affect Disorder as a teen, and adding to that, my disdain for all winter sports, well, Winter just really sucks for me. But being a Mom now, I try to suck it up and keep my complaints to myself because I would love for my boys to maybe NOT feel as underwhelmed about Winter as their Mom.

So for the past few weeks, I have been really letting things go. My usual amped-up, but still somewhat mild case of OCD has sadly withered away to only mild irritation at things not being where they belong or the floors not being vacuumed daily or, well, even weekly. Yesterday was the first time in years I think that I just did not give a rat's ass about the huge mess my boys' made throughout the day. Seriously, as I walked through one room to the next, I did not pick one thing up and the only thing going through my head was "I'll tidy up once they're in bed.". Which, of course, by the time they were in bed, I had lost my already dwindling motivation and decided some wine and late night TV was a more appropriate use of my time. 

I used to have a strict "No Food Outside the Kitchen Rule." How quaint. That's a rule for people who are in the game.  I am not in the game right now. My couch probably harbors more food stuffs than some 3rd World countries. And I have stopped caring. Now, I'm not saying that I could be featured on the next season of Hoarders or anything...but, let's just say, things are not the way they usually are here.

Now, for those of you who know me personally, you know this is way out of character. It's crazy. And it's a sure sign that I have really just come to the end of my rope. This Winter has beat me down. It wins. I am done. I never thought I would ever say this, but I would actually rather pay someone at this point to clean my house than go through the motions of changing the vacuum bag, putting all the chairs on the kitchen table to mop, lift yet another toilet seat and wipe up more pee with a Clorox wipe. The smoldering rage that used to make me get up and conquer the days tasks is gone. Finito. Going through the motions just does not appeal to me at the moment.

I need Spring to get here so I can throw the boys outside, open the windows, attack this stale and cooped up house the way it deserves. There's just only so much a Mom can take. As I drift from one Pinterest home idea to the next, I just look at my dwelling and think "Meh. Later."  I want my old driven self back. Most days it's a battle to even get dressed, and I'm the Mom! What kind of example is that to set? Today, rather than insist that Fireball actually put on real clothes, I half-heartedly suggested he just wear his Ninja costume. That's better than pajamas, right?  And, seeing as I didn't really see anyone yesterday, it's perfectly acceptable to wear the same clothes again, right? I mean, I did change my underwear.

So if you happen to stop by in the next few days (or weeks, months...however much longer it takes for Spring to get here) please, excuse the mess. I am normally much more together. My house is typically my pride and joy, I normally relish in keeping things in order, company ready. The only company this house is ready for is Merry Maids.